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Zeon Shin [Welcoming constructive criticism]

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Name: Zeon Shin
Nicknames: Z, Shin
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Occupation: Adventurer/Mesmer
Likes: Tranquility, places with great scenery, cold drinks, listening to music, reading
Dislikes: untrustworthy people, bullies, places that are too noisy or too hot.
His Look: He has a fair skin. He has an originally black hair but he dyed it red. He has brown eyes.
Personality: He is cheerful for most of the time, stubborn too. However, despite of his cheerfulness, he sometimes hides his feelings in that smile of his. He tends to keep his trouble to himself instead of sharing it with others. He's pretty understanding as people said that he matured faster than his age. He had trust issue, blame his past for it. So once someone broke his trust it would be extremely hard to gain it back. he might look playful and some even thought that he was a player but he's actually a faithful person.
His Background story
He was born a noble but he lost his parents to an assassination at the age of 7 and 6 for his sister. He and his sister were in the brink of death when people found them. They managed to recover and grew up as orphans but after a few years, he lost his sister in a mysterious incident that until now he was trying to solve. As he grew up, he always wondered why his relatives never tried to find them and he concluded that maybe they thought that it's best that they weren't around in their life, less problem to them. However, he did miss his cousins as he used to play with them a lot.
After he lost his sister, he thought on what he should do to discover on what was happening to his sister. He wouldn't ask help from anyone about it since not everyone could be trusted. He learnt that the hard way when he lost his parents to their most trusted right hand man although the man was arrested in the end. Then he learnt about being a mesmer, what kind of skill he would get from it. Then he decided to be one, besides, he loved the sound of it, not to mention how others told that he was a charmer. But those were just additional incentives to be one. What he truly wanted was the skill, knowing it would help him to discover what happened to his sister and if he was in a fight, it would help him a lot.
Despite that he has a noble blood running in his veins, he didn’t go back in becoming one. He stayed as an adventurer and protect the people around the town he was staying. If one day, the people needed him more in the governmental job, back in being a noble, getting into the political world, he would. However, for now, he still didn't find the need of it. He still loved the freedom of adventuring, discovering new stuff while investigating the truth behind his sister's case and at the same time, helping the people around


PS: Will be further edited if needed, but nothing extreme, like changing the entirety of it
Posted Nov 26, 18 · OP · Last edited Nov 26, 18
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Here are some suggestions for your character:

The "evil guys killed my parents" trope is probably as old as the genre itself and seeing as the assassins did not kill Zeon or his sister, you should come up with a good reason for that, as well as why they attacked Zeon's parents in the first place.
On that note, you did not give us the name of his sister nor his parents. We also don't know what kind of level of nobility his parents were or what they did, which does sound like an important point especially for other roleplayers of nobility.
There is also talk about him helping people in a town he is staying, on which you should also elaborate. Where is he staying and possibly why this place?

As minor notes, I don't think being a mesmer could be called an occupation. His occupation would probably be adventurer, as that is what he does. You should also add a picture of your character, even if it is "only" a screenshot.
Posted Nov 26, 18
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